I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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