Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
