no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
