so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
