So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
