I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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