got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
