We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
