Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm both gender and math confused
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
