I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
