i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
