why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
