Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
