Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
