I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There's always time for handjobs
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
