you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
