Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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