You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
