Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He? As in you personified your dick?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
