How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
