My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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