Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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