Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
