before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Two words: blizzard sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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