It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
