I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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