I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
