So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
