fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
