Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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