no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
