At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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