Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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