I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
