Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
