got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
