Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
