we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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