You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
