Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
