i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
