These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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