Three words: puerto rican gang bang
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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