I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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