cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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