I wannas sexs uuuuu
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
