Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Green mimosas i think yes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
