Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
