You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
