This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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