I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
