Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
