Screwed.edu
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
