yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
