it's like iHOP with fire
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i came on her dog
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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