I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
